emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you.
this is important because so many people don’t know this
I also kind of feel like I have a lot to say about stuff, but I don’t. I just have a lot of vague feelings.
I don’t entirely know how I feel, because its like all my feelings are out of focus and a fair distance away. I know I feel *something* important but it’s disconnected from me.
All I’ve got is a dull ache vague grief.
Today my partner was cuddling my cats and I felt a sense of relief because I know he would look after them.
and I realised I don’t really think I’m going to be around. Its just hard to really imagine the future existing for me. Like, the idea of even waking up tomorrow is so alien, let alone being alive next week to bother making plans for it. I can’t convince myself that there is anything there, just a big empty space like I’ve reached the end of the calendar.
Like looking back into space and knowing there is a certain point at which it began and we can’t see any further into the past, I can’t see any further into my future. It feels finite.
It’s not frightening or worrying. Or at least I don’t think it is. It’s hard to feel any strong emotion about anything really.
Just lots of vagueness and apathy.
But that’s where I kind of am. Floating on a sea of no future and no fucks left to give.
One day the Avengers come back to the tower and realize someone broke in so Tony checks the security footage and its 24 minutes of Deadpool singing Fergilicious while making an inhuman amount of pancakes and then at the end of the video he takes all of these hundreds of pancakes and leaves and they’re all just like wtf and when they go to bed their beds are all lined with pancakes.